Psalm 139

In the last week and a bit CDA has taken in two newborns, both abandoned at a couple of hours old. I wrote this almost exactly a year ago about another little boy (whose life has changed completely, in the most wonderful way, a story for another day...) but it rings true for these two as well.

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In the past Psalm 139, in my opinion, was a Psalm reserved for reading at dedications and putting in "it's a [insert gender]" cards when babies were born. I have since seen the error of my ways (different story for a different day) but it still has me thinking, what if no cards arrive? What if there is no celebration? What if it isn't the happy occasion we're envisioning?

The first night I did night duty with sickbaby I read Psalm 139 over him for exactly the reasons I first set out - it's a good Psalm for babies. They were literally just in their mothers womb, so it could hardly be more relevant. I really didn't think about the words as I read them if I'm honest. I'd heard them so many times already.

Then, a couple nights later I heard the same Psalm again, sung by Kings Kaleidoscope. And I heard it more clearly.

You heard my first heartbeat before I could breathe,

Before my first cry, You knew me.

You knit me together when I was conceived,

When I was designed, You knew me.

You know what I wonder, before I can speak.

Before my first thoughts, you know me.

You see what I'm dreaming when I go to sleep,

When I'm waking up, you know me.

Nobody but his mum knows the situation around sickbaby's conception or birth, but I'm doubting there were cards or a party. It's unlikely anyone quoted Psalm 139 about him. But does that make it any less true?

I have more thoughts on the orphan crisis than I could ever eloquently put into words, but this has been running in my head.

Psalm 139 doesn't have any clauses written in. It's not just true for white kids and planned pregnancies. God doesn't make mistakes.

As I heard Psalm 139 yesterday, and as I hear it now, I hear God singing it over sickbaby. Even though his life, his future, is so uncertain, He knows him, He knew him before he was born. He wasn't a mistake, because He doesn't make mistakes.

I hear Him singing over the 49 million plus orphans that are scattered all over our globe. I hear Him tell them that He chose their mother, their home, their life, for a reason. And that no matter what happens, He is still in control.

I hear Him singing over the 'unplanned pregnancies', the 'accidents', those babies who weren't longed for like they could have been. I hear Him singing over the women who carry those baby, singing how 'their mistake' doesn't make them a mistake.

I hear Him singing over the kids who will never hear it, and those kids who will never say it. Those kids the world calls disabled, I hear Him singing how able they really are. I hear Him tell them they weren't a mistake either, but that they are perfect, made for His glory.

I hear Him singing over those kids who are waiting. The kids who think they aren't pretty enough, or smart enough, for someone to choose them as a son or daughter. I hear Him singing that He knew them, He knows them, and they're just what He designed.

And I hear Him singing over each one of us, on the days that we feel worthless. That not one of us wasn't meant to be here, that none of this was chance. That He already knew we would make the mistakes we think make us unlovable, and He loves us regardless.

I would never suggest that none of this causes me problems, or places difficult questions in my mind, that only makes me human.

But still, I hear Him singing, and I believe His song.